For Now or Forever. A mix and a few thoughts.

It's been a while since my last post.

My life has been busy with music and school and work. For a time, my thoughts had personal outlets and my life questions had disappeared.

But once again, life has provided to be untrustworthy and unpredictable. Like most people I am lucky enough to have a comfortable place to call home. A roof over my head, money for food, and people around me that would support me, whatever my current crazy idea would be. Having a physical/emotional/mental place that we can take ourselves for as long as we need to reset and get back on our feet is the greatest gift anyone can give.

But no matter how much we are supported and loved, there are times that we can't help but feel alone. The heart and mind that reside within our bodies are unique, in every sense of the word, and we must live with the conflict that arises between them. Our minds search for the challenge of uncertainty while our hearts provide their greatest warmth during times of comfort and pleasure. We attach ourselves to the things that make us happy; never fully considering whether they will be there forever or not. Put simply, people get angry when things don't go the way they want or expect -- it happens to all of us. Some can control this feeling more than others but in the end we all feel it in one way or another.

Your only responsibility in life is to keep your mind excited and your heart happy in any way, shape, or form. Do yourself a favour and cherish the moments that you have a smile on your face and the pressures of life disappear. If only for a moment, close your eyes, forget about the world, and let your soul remain still. If you can do this it doesn't matter who is watching, what your plans are for the weekend, or what you need to make for supper tonight. Learn to do this all the time and you will forever be happy.

My music provides me with this very release. A time where I can disappear in to myself and let all my emotions run free. My body and soul sit completely still. My heart is open and I no longer think, only feel.

This mix is painful to me. I shed a few tears while making it and it makes me want to hold my heart when I listen to it. It represents a person that gave me more than I ever expected but that life has required me to let go of. This mix plays and I picture a friendly stranger walking down a long road, alone.

I hope the best for you all on your unique and painful journeys.

Listen.

Download.

Remain Still.

Mix 28: Y Our Hearts Break

Wow. Almost 2 months since I've posted anything.

I have a blog post coming I think. But here is the CD mix. As soon as I made it I knew it would be perfect to play live at the Y. I still can't get over how crazy that place was on Friday. In my short Y career of dancing and now playing I've never seen it that packed in the main room. I know I got lucky with my night being right after Blackout but there is something to be said about having an over-capacity club and keeping a room that packed. Keep it humble and keep working hard.

Listen to it!

Download it!

Remain Still

So Wake Me Up When it's All Over

I feel like growing up in today's world is the craziest thing. No other generation has experienced what we are experiencing. There are zero guidelines, zero rules, and unlimited possibilities. You can be anything you want to be. You could stop everything you are doing today, leave your friends, move to a different city, start completely fresh as a brand new person, and no one would say a thing. People will let you do whatever you want. Dress a certain way, do your hair a certain way, live exactly how you want to live. They may talk behind your back or start rumors, but they won't tell you what's wrong with you, the people close to you will even support you in being the craziest person possible if that's who you want to be.

I'm currently in the weirdest most uncomfortable position of my life. I've spent my whole life wondering if I'm different, normal, special, crazy, whatever. One of my worst qualities is my constant over-thinking. It drives me crazy sometimes and I know when it is happening but I can't stop it. It's just who I am and what I do. It's because of this over thinking that I've needed constant change and excitement to distract me from life, I need something to always look forward to. I've lived my life changing my goals and moving from lifestyle to lifestyle doing whatever I want, whenever I want. I didn't realize what I was doing until I met someone that gave me rules to live by. She showed me from an outside perspective the life that I was living and what it was doing to me. I was broken inside and either no one could see through the mask that I was wearing, or they knew I wouldn't listen if they told me. She has set me on a completely different path, one that I feel like I am wearing a blindfold on. Not only with how I live my life, but with the person I am on the inside. Healthier, stronger, more confident, smarter. I feel better about everything. But as good as it feels, it is completely unknown to me. I don't say uncomfortable in a bad way either. The easiest way to explain it would be comparing it to physiotherapy or working out. You have a goal in mind, but you must work through some uncomfortable pain or positions to get to your end result. You may wake up and dread having to do whatever it is you have to do, but you know what you want and no matter how long it takes you will get there.

"Fake it till you make it"

I've heard this saying a lot. I like the meaning behind it but I don't like the way it is worded. Life isn't about faking anything. Maybe it is easier in some people's minds to do something if they believe they are faking it but all you have to do is do it. You take something unknown to you, and live it till it becomes who you actually are. Live it till you don't have to think twice about what you are doing or why you are doing it. And it is scary as fuck. Sometimes I stop and think about everything that I have planned for the week and all I want to do is cancel everything and crawl in to a black hole of video games, distractions, and old habits. That is why it's uncomfortable for me. But it gets easier every day. Everyone has their own form of distractions and way of shutting out the world, what is yours? And is it healthy?

I'm in one of those plateau's in life but I know it isn't a bad thing. I'm working so hard. Not sometimes, but every single day. Struggling every day to be someone that I have no idea how to be. Scared that I am doing things wrong and unsure if I'm going to reach my goals. I failed to reach a couple goals this summer but it isn't a big deal because I'm still working towards them. For one reason or another things didn't turn out the way I wanted so changes had to be made to my plan. But that's okay. Not reaching a certain goal isn't failure, giving up is failure. So until I decide to crawl back in to the whole that I was digging for myself until last year, I haven't given up, and haven't failed.

I didn't know I was lost

Mix 27: Y We Can't Remain Still

Howdy.

So this mix was originally supposed to be for a Y Afterhours CD release party but it got pushed back a couple months. I decided to put it up anyways because by that time I'll want newer music on the mix.

SO here you go. For my fans at the Y, the ones that come to other shows to see me, the ones that make me kandi bracelets with "Remain Still" on them, the ones that wear the shirts I've given them, and especially the ones that stay by my side and keep hoping for more.

Thanks <3

Listen to it!

Download it!

Track list coming soon!

Mix 26: This is What It Feels Like

Wow 5 months since I've made a mix. Tons of new music that I've been listening to. Here is the latest. Some powerful lyrics at the beginning and in the middle and awesome beats near the end. I've been told by people they really get something out of the songs I choose. That's amazing to hear, hope it means something to you.


Enjoy.




Download it!

Track List:
If I lose Myself (Alesso vs. OneRepublic Extended Remix) - Alesso, OneRepublic
This is What It Feels Like feat. Trevor Guthrie (W&W Remix) 0 Armin van Buuren, Trevor Guthrie
Walking On Air (Extended Mix) - Dino, Daddy's Groove
Leprechauns & Unichorns (Original Mix) - Dyro
Let Me Love You (Original Mix) - Deorro, Adrian Delgado
Alive (Hardwell Remix) - Krewella
Summertime Sadness (Cedric Gervais Remix) - Lana Del Rey
Symphonica (Cash Cash Remix) - Nicky Romero
Melbourne Bounce feat. Big Nab (Original) - Orkestrated, Big Nab, Fries & Shine
Upgrade (Original Mix) - Case & Point
Bad Guy (Original Mix) - Gregon Klosman, Tony Romera
Never Say Goodbye feat. Bright Lights (Original Mix) - Hardwell, Dyro, Bright Lights

-Remain Still

Here to Stay

A question I've asked myself a few times lately: "What is DJing?"

A lot of people don't understand what is involved and I've had to explain it to them. A lot of people think you just go up and press play a bunch of times, that the music does the job itself. This is slightly true, in that I press play about 100 times per hour and the songs are really good. But there is so much more to it than that. Technical skills like the blending of songs, knowing the songs well enough so things like lyrics or certain parts of the songs don't cross over in the wrong place and sound bad, and of course just beat-matching (which is the heart of the ability to be a DJ)... So once you have thousands of songs to choose from (my USB has over 1000 songs that I consider playing every night, and is constantly growing in number), know them all well enough to mix them together in a decent fashion, AND have the basic ability to actually beat-match, you can start learning the hard part. This is the part that I feel is what DJing really is, the conceptual part...

Have you ever walked in to a club or show at like 930 with the place pretty much empty, and the music just sounds noisy? Its awkward, to say the least. If you're at a club, chances are the DJ knows it is just going to get busy so it doesn't matter what he plays early. He can play any song he wants and it'll slowly get busier and people will hear their current favorite song and be drunk enough to hit up the dance floor. It's different at a show. There are rules. As an opener, you aren't the reason people are there. You are there to get people ready for the headliner.

Never outplay the headliner.

All my opening spots have been quite the eye-opening experience. 9-10 doesn't really matter. You can play what you want. Chances are people aren't going to be there till 1015 anyways so play some new music, practice some things on the big sound system, or I like to play some really chill music for the staff to hang out and so people walk in to a vibe that isn't intimidating. There is no awkwardness to the dance floor being empty because it's early, and the music is almost just background music instead of noise and pressure for a crowd. 

The 10-11 set is a bit different. Sometimes it gets busier earlier, sometimes later. I had a pre-defined set once, and honestly it will be the last time. I find it impossible, and just not smart in general, to assume that you'll know what someone is going to do. I've found the most success in reading what is happening and reacting based on that. Starting at 10 and keeping that chill background vibe, then slowly picking up. As more people come in the dance floor tension starts to build. People line up around the dance floor waiting for a song they want to dance to. It creates a vibe of anticipation to dance instead of having all the good songs play, but not being able to dance because you are scared to be the one to take the first step on to the dance floor. It lets people sit and drink and hang out. Bob their heads and wait for a beat that makes them want to move more. When that happens it doesn't matter who is on the dance floor and who is watching because it is solely about the feel of the music. That tension can never be predicted in my opinion. It just kind of happens at some point, and that's when you pick it up for the person following you.

Sunday was my first 11-12 set. I knew it was going to be busy by the end of it, but I was surprised how busy it was at the beginning. This was a tough set to play for the first time. Keep people dancing, play good music, but don't put out more energy than the guy after you has to. In reality that's all there is to it. Start out with some good music and pick it up a bit near the end so people are even more pumped for the next guy. It's basically just a constant energy incline that you should know how to make plateau at certain points.

As easy as it all sounds there are so many things to think about at once. Multi-tasking the feel of the whole room while skillfully blending from one track to the next. Making sure to switch the style of the mixes so it isn't simple and boring. And of course making sure to have the newest and best tracks to play (Not mandatory though. Stuff people haven't heard is always good but old shit is good for a reason. Nothing wrong with that). Finally, the last aspect of DJing and what I have found to be the most important in my journey: the ability to be vulnerable.

People have told me I only DJ because I want to be up on stage and the center of attention but its kind of funny because it is the last thing on my mind. I don't get up there to have you judge me and tell me what I'm doing is good or not. Ya I want you to have a good time, but I do it because I love the music and I want to be the one controlling that room. I've been in the crowd and know how it feels to ride on music. I felt that I could be the one that provides the ride instead, and do it well. The vulnerability I've learned in the past year has been incredible and I've found that vulnerability doesn't mean weakness, if anything it means strength. The people I see that can't be vulnerable in the DJ booth are the ones that are being left behind, stuck in their ways and unable to open up to new music or new styles. I've let myself expand in to generes and play them for crowds. Generes that I started listening to only hours before playing my set. That vulnerability, the ability to open myself to something unknown and not be scared about fucking it up is what is driving my climb through the DJ ranks in Edmonton.

I've made many mistakes, some big and noticeable, and others very small that only I notice. But these are things that have made me stronger. And every time I am in a spot that I feel myself having to be vulnerable, it becomes easier because I trust myself to get through it and trust anyone that is involved to support me in the best way they can.

-Remain Still

This is Just the Beginning.

Holllllla. This is a long one... hope you have some time.

I've had a busy few months, no time for mixes, no time for blogs. But classes are done and exams start next week for me. So I finally have some time to sit down and write out these ideas that have been flowing through my head and make a mix for your listening pleasure. Oh and study of course.

So first things first. Y AFTERHOURS FINALIST WOOOOOOOOO!!!! Hahaha fuck yeah. Quarterfinals were some fun half hour sets in the basement. 3 weeks later, semi-finals against DJ Goober in the main room. I went with an emotional start and it was amazing. The vibe in that room was something I've never felt before. I was in a little zone in the booth about 3 songs in and realized what was going on. I looked up and saw almost everyone with a hand on their heart with their eyes closed. A mixture of pain and energy and just raw emotional power that you could tell everyone was feeling. Simply amazing. I won't talk much more about it because it's gone and done and you should have been there if you wanted to know.

Next week, Friday the 19th, are the finals. I'm not going to talk about my opponent or my strategy, only what this all means to me. It hit me right after I played in the semi-finals what this spot actually means to me specifically. I felt like I rocked that room with my ideas, and music that I think is good. I talked before about going into a zone and translating instincts to actions. Crowd reaction is important, but I can trust that my skills and ideas will do the job without searching for approval. When I started this journey I looked for that approval, I sent a mix to Nestor Delano and asked him what he thought of it. One night we were hanging out and he asked me why I wanted to know and I didn't have an answer. Because his approval makes it good?

He told me if I think it is good that is all that matters... Then he told me he wanted me to join Connected. 

If you think it is good and are really passionate about it, people will see your passion and believe in you because that's what people do. People want something to believe in. People are followers and the leaders are the ones that stand out. Leaders are the ones that set trends and break rules. Why be normal? Why be someone that blends in to the crowd and doesn't do exactly what they want, when they want. There is nothing wrong with not being a leader, it doesn't necessarily mean you are a follower, but the lesson lies in being true to yourself in every moment. Not punishing yourself or others for anything that has happened in the past, not worrying about anything in the future, just doing and being your best at every single moment. This is a lesson that I have understood my whole life but never truly been able to live. This competition has taught me so much not only about Djing and playing a crowd, but about myself and who I want to be.

I honestly think Nestor never listened to that first mix, or has ever even heard me play.

8 months ago I was dancing at the Y and was watching Seelo and Nestor play in the main room, I told myself I wanted to play up there one day. I didn't put a time limit on it, just set a goal and went after it. I needed 2 things, specific skills and a status. Nestor gave me the opportunity for a status and recognition on the scene and learning the skills was up to me. Every show I go to, every time I play, I learn. Learning new tricks as well as becoming more confident in my instincts. Taking things from every DJ I've heard and putting my own twist on it. Making it my own so that I can put my name on it and not just be a copy cat.

I'm an intelectual person. I observe, analyze, and react accordingly, thinking too much and over-analyzing is something I know I do and hate that I do it. But it is what it is and I'm fixing it the only way I know how. For whatever reason my brain is able to override my feelings and instincts. I think that is why DJing is so important to me. It is literally the first thing in my life that I have been able to fall in love with, with no outside influence. No one suggested it to me, no one forced me to do it when I was young. It doesn't matter to me what people think of it, if no one wanted to hear me I would still sit in my basement and play to myself. People are giving me recognition and I'm accepting it, but that isn't why I'm doing what I'm doing.

I'm honoured to be playing in the finals in the competition, win or lose it doesn't matter I'm happy to be there. In my opinion the Y has the best DJ's in the city. And if they don't currently, then there is no doubt that at some point in time, all of the best in the city have played there. Clubs open and close but the Y has been around for 10 years. Go there on a weekend after the clubs close down and you're sure to see at least one of the most influential people in the city. It is the only Afterhours club in the capital city of EDMonton. People have said to me that "oh it's the only one it's not a big deal". But that is exactly why it's a big deal.

I'm not saying I'm going to win. But right now I'm trusting my instincts and skills like I never have before and I believe I'm going to give people a name to remember. I'm not learning anything new in the next week. My opponent, DJ Eff, has been around for 10 years against my 2 1/2 years of experience. I'm going to go in as Tyrone Powell and truly come out as Jermaine Still; the emotional, cocky, silly, sarcastic, arrogant, strong, caring man that I've created and want to be for the rest of my life. Learning to trust myself through DJing is something I need to apply to my whole life. Entering a zone in the booth and never doubting myself again. In reality, this is all just the beginning. 

Best of luck to you DJ Eff.

-Remain Still.